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- Mars Volta show moved to House of Blues, will still feature 20-minute epics 6:59 PM, 05/09
- WTF: A Medical Mart by the Lake? 3:49 PM, 05/09
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- Coldplay coming to the Q 3:00 PM, 05/09
- Salt the Wound: Scene says OK, Decibel says Meh 11:47 AM, 05/09
- Russell Peters leads the week in Cleveland comedy 11:29 AM, 05/09
- Mic Check: James McMurtry at the Beachland Ballroom on Friday 10:20 AM, 05/09
- Hello, Cleveland: This weekend's concert cheat sheet 9:15 AM, 05/09
- Kid Rock, rocking Cleveland for cheap 8:25 AM, 05/09
- C-Notes' Picks of the Weekend 8:17 AM, 05/09
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Turns out there is a God -- or at least some Oscar voters with taste
You'll get your recommended daily allowance of nausea-inducing spin from tonight's debate, so for something to settle your stomach, enjoy the best two moments from Sunday's Oscars, which have both made their way to YouTube. First, amid three life-sucking songs from Enchanted, this gem, by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova and from their little movie Once, was up for Best Original Song:
Then it won. And host Jon Stewart saved the show by calling Irglova back out to give her acceptance speech after she was cut off by those damn violin players (and a dead mic) the first time around:
Diversion of the Day: Casablanca, Bikini Bottom Edition
We're not saying we watch Spongebob Squarepants, that we've had any more than a cursory awareness of the show since it entered airwaves nearly a decade ago. But if we did, we'd think this clip was hilarious. Voice actors from the show re-dub classic movie scenes, using the voices of Spongebob, Sandy Cheeks, Squidward, Patrick Star, and other characters that we're not necessarily intimately familiar with, but would be if we spent most afternoons watching Nickelodeon.
You've never heard "Take the cannoli" like this. -- D.X. Ferris
Matchmaker, matchmaker: Who says single Jews can’t find love?

Just over a year ago, we chronicled the travails of Cleveland's Jewish dating scene . Many natives complained that since they had known all the eligible matches since kindergarten, striking up a spark over martinis at Bar Louie was a tough sell.
Architect Eric Greenberg was intimately familiar with this dating draught. "Anyone that's single I've either been out with or I know," he said at the time. But he was about to be proven wrong...
A documentary on Donkey Kong and underdogs
Scene reporter Rebecca Meiser isn’t the first to be screwed in a rigged election. That’s pretty much the premise of the hilarious documentary The King of Kong: Fistful of Quarters, now available on DVD.
In the film, Steve Weibe, an endearing underdog, decides to take on the 1982 Donkey Kong champion, Billy Mitchell, a full-time hot sauce salesman with an ego the size of the Soviet Union and a mullet that puts Billy Ray Cyrus to shame…
Diversion of the Day: Bob Seger wonders how Cleveland is really doing

The Onion has posted a funny letter "from" classic-rocker Bob Seger to our fine city. The “Old Time Rock and Roll” dude ruminates on such things as “the encroaching threat of capitalism on small privately owned businesses,” the mortgage crisis, and other things that might be causing the old gal to lose sleep at night:
Just level with me, Cleveland: How are things actually going? I know it might feel weird opening up to a two-time Grammy Award–winning recording artist, but if you've got something you need to talk about, now is the time. Keeping it bottled up inside is just going to make things worse, believe me. Is anyone out there having trouble with their job or their relationship? Is it family? Family problems can be especially tough to open up about, but you can trust Bob Seger.
Yes, you can trust Bob. Go ahead. Open up. -- Michael Gallucci
Diversion of the Day: You can't escape to Hawaii, but your abs can
As the February doldrums descend upon you, the thought of jetting off to Honolulu might seem mighty appealing. But good luck affording the ticket, unless you performed particularly well with your Super Bowl squares. You can, however, bring Hawaii to you, with the psuedo-erotic office furniture featured in the video above. If Ellen can survive it, so can you. Us? We’re ordering three. -- Tori Woods
Diversion of the Day: David Blaine Makes Your Case of the Mondays Effin' Disappear
On this, the saddest Monday of the year -- no football until August? Seriously? -- only one thing can cheer you up: the hilariously magic street magic of Fake David Blaine. This is part three of the way smart parody of the magician's street magic series. Check out parts one and two by clicking on the words 'one' and 'two' earlier in this sentence. And just think: Only five days till the weekend! -- Joe P. Tone
Diversion of the Day, Part 2: She's F*$#ing Matt Damon!
Potty-mouthed and extra-cute comedian Sarah Silverman made this music video for her boyfriend Jimmy Kimmel, and it’s the funniest thing we've seen all year. We're especially fond of the “Hollaback Girl”-like breakdown in the middle. Classic. -- Michael Gallucci
Diversion of the Day: Superbowl Weekend Edition
To help pass the hours until Superbowl Weekend, enjoy these cool, refreshing offerings from the King of the Super Bowl Ads, Bud Light. The above was apparently banned. But you'll probably remember this one, about the guy who hides beers throughout the office; this one, about the magic Bud Light fridge; and this one, about the reluctant parachuter. -- Joe P. Tone
Diversion of the Day: Two Weeks Till Summer
Pitchers and catchers report to spring training on February 14th this year. With that spectacular date just 14 days away, we’ll help you dream of limp hot dogs and crisp, overpriced beer in the bleachers – all the trappings of a Wahoo summer -- with this clip from the best movie ever made in history, ever. – Vince Grzegorek
Diversion of the Day: Demetri Martin, Ohio-bound
Will Ferrell's FunnyorDie/Semi-Pro/college comedy tour, a cross promotional event of epic proportions, rolls through Ohio next week. Ferrell and his comedic crew -- Zach Galifinakis, Demetri Martin, and Nick Swardson -- play OSU's Schottenstein Center on February 6. You can get tickets here. Or, if you don't feel like driving to Columbus, you can just spend the day stalking these guys on YouTube and building your case for whose stand-up act's the best. For my money, it's Martin:
-- Joe P. Tone
Diversion of the Day: Classic Carl Monday! Oh My!
In the wake of Gus Garcia-Roberts' recent special report on Carol Monday's going soft, I present to you some old-school Carl -- like 1989 old. In this classic I-Team report, Carl busts a Cleveland cop playing softball on duty. His hidden cameras catch the "RoboCops'" clean-up hitter changing out of his police uni and into softball gear in the parking lot, then, after the game, changing back into his work duds and hitting the street. Stay tuned until the end, when Carl pimps his next report -- about a grocery store with old meat on its shelf. "How old is old?" the male anchor asks.
"Well," Carl says. "How 'bout four years old?"
"Oh my!" the female anchor cries out, and all is right in the world. -- Joe P. Tone
Diversion(s) of the Day: Hash, Nash, and ... the Cure!
It's Choose Your Own Adventure Day on this glorious Friday, a diversion for every mood. Had a rough week? Take a cue from Chris Tucker and Ice Cube, who've long had Fridays down to a science. Bored, with nothing on tonight's agenda? Track down last-minute tickets to tonight's Cavs-Suns game, and to warm up, watch Steve Nash brew his patented magic -- on a skateboard. That doesn't do it for you? Well, then, we're not sure what will. But the Cure might have an idea:
Diversion of the Day: The Hills girls check out Iraq

Today's excuse to put off work for just a few more minutes comes courtesy of the humor web site McSweeneys and Wendy Molyneux, a board-certified weirdo who occasionally writes for the site. Molyneux, who recently published a book, penned one of my favorite McSweeneys pieces a while back, a guide to talking to your kids about drugs and other delicate topics. ("CHILD: What are drugs, and should I do them? MOM: Do you have any? CHILD: No. MOM: Then let Mommy watch CSI Miami.")
This time around, Molyneux imagines what would happen if Lauren and the rest of The Hills girls sojourned to Iraq. It's short, silly, and will put off that spreadsheet for at least 45 more seconds. -- Joe P. Tone









