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  • Give a hoot! Don't pollute! Unless, that is, you're driving through East Cleveland and ...

    Thu Apr 17, 2008 at 09:16:22 AM

    Back in the day, there was an all encompassing owl named Woodsy who interrupted Transformer cartoons to provide a serious message: “Give a hoot! Don’t pollute!” The short spots provided children with the important lesson that putting wrappers and soda cans in the trash bins were good for the world. And before it got too vomity, Optimus Prime would come back on the screen and fire his laser at a Decepticon. The 1980s were great time to grow up.

    But those advertisements made it seem like one should pick up everything they see. ...

    Woodsy never explained what one should do when faced with the prospect of living near the hamlet of East Cleveland. The owl didn’t say that sometimes, other adults open up their passenger side doors while driving 40 miles per hour, pull hypodermic needles out of their legs, and toss them onto the street.

    That’s exactly what happened on Wade Park Avenue two nights ago. Normally, the opening of a passenger side door means that the passenger is sick and about to hurl, which Woodsy would surely understand. But what’s with the blatant tossing of a heroine stick? It bounced on the pavement and twirled and pirouetted like Dorothy Hamill circa ’76 before finally coming to rest near the sidewalk. And the car, a maroon Buick sedan with temporary plates, kept right on rolling. They didn’t give a hoot.

    Now the community is left with one more needle on the street waiting to pierce through a daffodil-colored flip-flop. While one can bet that plenty of concerned citizens want it removed, picking up a used needle is going far and beyond the call of duty. This leaves us at a standstill. Be a good citizen and risk disease, or pretend it never happened and live with guilt?

    Listen, Woodsy, we give a hoot. But what the hell are we supposed to do? – Bradley Campbell

    Category: News

    2 Comments:

    Brandt says:

    Mr. Campbell, again you cease to amaze me with your wit and insight. But this time you have left me scratching my head. The answer is in your post. Transformers...hello...magnets...more than meets the eye?? Haven't you thought to carry around a medium sized magnet in your European Handbag? Yes, yes keep it away from your phone, your iPod, digital watch and PSP2 that is for certain. But when I see a biohazard on the street I use "maggie" to safely pick up and dispose of the dangers to our community. Just a thought...

    Glen Olson says:

    Dude, the magnet is a good idea, but what about the little extendo hands that people use for picking up trash when doing community service? That way you don't have to bend down, and you don't have to touch the dirty needle.

    Or my favorite would be to take it up a notch and use a super high temp flame thrower to incinerate trash where it stands. Then we might get to see Woodsy Owl and Smoky The Bear fight which would be far more entertaining than transformers ever was.

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