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Our hero apparently got his ass kicked in a failed robbery attempt

There was a time when Michael Kaminski was making headlines as the guitarist of Cop Shoot Cop, an NYC three-piece whose dark, jazzy dirges landed them spots on MTV’s Headbanger’s Ball and tours with Iggy Pop.

Now Kaminski is simply getting ink for being a total idiot.

Today, The Akron Beacon Journal reports that 41-year-old Kaminski, who now lives in Akron, was charged with aggravated robbery and carrying a concealed weapon after he tried to rob a Highland Square video store…

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To most Clevelanders, sneakers are those things that protect your feet from dog crap and syringes. But to a select, slightly demented few, sneakers are life itself.

I believe the term is “sneakerheads” — people so devoted to the collection of sneakers (usually Nikes) that the most extreme will wait in lines for days, fly to Japan, or pay thousands on eBay for a limited pair. These are the maniacs responsible for what the New York Post dubbed the “Sneaker Riot," where thugs stalked a Manhattan sneaker boutique during a release of Nike “Pigeon Dunks,” and strong-armed shoppers as they emerged with the shoes, which would sell from $2,000 and up on eBay.

On Saturday, the obsession will descend on little Independence. ...

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Every Friday, Scene calendar editor Cris Glaser provides a random but reliable sampling of things to do this weekend. For more options, log onto entertainment.clevescene.com. And check back Monday for C-Notes' Picks of the Week.

Friday: A latex lovefest stretches over this weekend for the first-ever Mr. Rubber Cleveland competition. At 10 tonight, meet the contestants at Cocktails Cleveland, where a panel of judges will crown a winner at 11 p.m. tomorrow. Rubbermania winds down at 4 p.m. Sunday with a congratulatory party for organizers Ric Scardino and James Foster, who swear by rubber jackets, chaps, and harnesses over their leather counterparts. A $5 ticket gets you in the door at 9208 Detroit Avenue, or call 216-235-6375 for more info.

Saturday: Amateur sketch artists meet inside the Hyatt Regency at the Arcade for the monthly Cleveland Sketch Crawl. For two hours, the group takes a walking tour to draw images of downtown landmarks on their pads. Today’s crawl stops outside the Arcade to draw the construction equipment littering the landscape for the Euclid Avenue Corridor project. Meet from 10 a.m. to noon at the Hyatt, 420 Superior Avenue.

Sunday: Big hair and even bigger drama unfold for the touring production of The Great American Trailer Park Musical in Elyria. The story takes place at a Florida mobile-home park, where gossip reigns supreme among the trailer trash living there. The cast even throws in campy renditions of country-western ballads and disco-diva staples, like the Weather Girls’ “It’s Raining Men.” Showtime is at 7:30 tonight at Lorain County Community College’s Stocker Center, 1005 North Abbe Road in Elyria. Tickets are $25. Call the box office at 440-366-4040 or visit www.loraincc.edu/stocker.

After what seemed like an eternity of remodeling, the taps are flowing again on the corner of West 117th Street and Clifton Boulevard, where Score has finally unlocked its doors to reveal a sports-bar vibe, anchored by a ginormous bowling-pin-shaped punching bag in the middle of the club.

Yesterday, the club worked out the last of its opening-day kinks as a chorus line of barmaids served cocktails and bottled beer to a predominantly neighborhood clientèle in the old City Place restaurant, which closed in the fall. The kitchen crew also showed off its menu of moderately priced salads, pizzas, wings, apps, and wraps while the club’s five HDTVs blared ESPN.

Starting at 10 tonight, DJ Debi will spin house music on Fridays and Saturdays, and a rotating slate of jocks will play Euro-techno on Sundays. Lake County DJ Little Mike rounds out the weekly entertainment by hosting Thursday-night karaoke. Score is open from 11 a.m. to 2:30 a.m. daily at 11636 Clifton Boulevard or call 216-631-9000. -- Cris Glaser

Wanted: The Chipotle Burrito, in the murder of a damn-fine hangover cure.

Que Tal, Que Tal, oh how you will be missed. Sure, we enjoyed visiting you for a lunch or dinner of taco-y goodness, with your selection of fresh ingredients and snappy service. But where you truly shined, where you proved how irreplaceable you were, was in the realm of hang-over cures. ...

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Tim “Ripper” Owens – the Beyond Fear/former Judas Priest-Iced Earth vocalist who recently signed on with guitar hero Yngwie Malmsteen – still has room on his roster for you … if you have the chops. Sunday, March 2, a real-life rock-band contest kicks off at Sadie Rene’s (7200 Whipple Avenue NW, North Canton, 330-499-8246). Judges will select three musicians to record a song with Owens. ...

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Alternative Press, the Cleveland-based music mag, shows admirably little local bias, aside from hiring a couple local hacks to write now and then, present company included. But three homegrown acts get the spotlight in the April issue, which includes its annual industry tip sheet, the 100 Bands You Need to Know list. ...

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The first time we saw the Hives was probably similar to most U.S. fans’ initial experience with the rockin’ Swedes: It was during the Veni Vidi Vicious tour in 2002, and they were playing to a packed club. A very hot and sweaty packed club. For more than hour, singer Howlin' Pelle Almqvist and the rest of the garage-rock revivalists tore through more than 20 of their two-minute, two-chord guitar rave-ups. By the end of the show, everyone – audience members, band members, club staff – were dripping with sweat, beer, and other assorted goo.

Don’t let the fact that they worked with hip-hop producer Pharrell on last year’s Black and White Album mislead you: The Hives still know how to rock the house. You can bend, shape, twist, and do whatever the hell you want to the Hives – they’re still gonna sound like the Hives. (For a complete rundown of the new CD, read my interview with guitarist Vigilante Carlstroem in this week’s Scene.) We have no doubt you’ll leave their show at the Agora on Sunday thoroughly soaked. -- Michael Gallucci

The Hives perform at 8 p.m. Sunday, March 2, at the Agora Theatre, 5000 Euclid Avenue. Tickets are $18, available by calling 216-241-5555.

Writer Chuck Klosterman made a name for himself by breaking out of the Akron Beacon Journal with the heavy metal memoir Fargo Rock City. The hilarious, insightful book established the Minneapolis native as a sort-of Hunter S. Thompson with pretentious glasses, a guy who can write about himself while (usually) addressing something larger. (Click the video above for Klosterman interview Stephen King.)

He’s since penned three books and authored articles for Esquire, the New York Times, and ESPN: The Magazine. His latest credit is a very short biography for the new collection Not Quite What I Was Planning, a collection of six-word memoirs by figures including Stephen Colbert, actor-humorist Amy Sedaris, and singer Aimee Mann. In his entry, Klosterman’s introspective streak is still fully functional. Writes Klosterman: Nobody cared, then they did. Why?”

So go buy the book! Or just print out this blog. Either way. – D.X. Ferris

Hot on the trail of a book deal and a new Food Network gig, Cleveland’s Iron Chef Michael Symon (Lola, Lolita) is seeking your input.

At least, that’s what he claims on his blog, Symon Says, where a recent posting includes the skinny on such topics as his pending move to Shaker Heights, his upcoming cook book (tentatively titled Symon Says, ‘Live to Cook’), and his pitch to the Food Network for an “edgy but educational” cooking show.

“What do you love and hate about cooking shows and books?” Symon asks at the end of the rundown, as if our humble opinions on such topics might really amount to a hill of beans.

But while we doubt the creative culinarian is short on ideas of his own, it’s certainly fun to be invited to the party. -- Elaine T. Cicora

Read Elaine Cicora's restaurant reviews, food news, and
comprehensive dining guide on the restaurant page at clevescene.com.

With Alex Arshinkoff’s last day on the Summit County Board of Elections fast approaching, the local GOP is busy trying to find the gay godfather’s successor.

Last week, Secretary of State Jennifer Brunner refused to reappoint Arshinkoff to his seat, citing numerous complaints from board workers who claimed that Arshinkoff is a divisive and manipulative leader.

Considering that Brunner’s move was an attempt to free the board from Arshinkoff’s stranglehold, you’d think that Republicans would get the hint and appoint someone regarded as righteous. But that’s not the case…

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An anonymous caller left a voicemail about our recent story on Joe Cimperman’s Congressional campaign, "Dumping Dennis.” His take on the whole thing is pretty self-explanatory, unless you don’t understand sarcasm, in which case, parts of the following will be very confusing.

Yes, I’m calling about the article about Dennis Kucinich, “Dumping Dennis.” I believe that you guys have it all wrong, and that Cimperman, he’s the one that abandoned the homeless downtown, and he’s in the pocket of Sam Miller. And it would probably be good if he gets in, because that would mean the hastening of the downfall of America. Because everybody’s on the take, everybody’s looking out for their career. And I think the Scene did a disservice to Dennis and the people of this community. And Dennis will win, because he has the love of the community. I was born in this town, I was here, when all that stuff went down. You know, it was nothing but blackmail. So, keep on being ignorant, you know with your little raggy—little magazine. It’s just a rag, it ain’t the Times or nothing. And keep on playing politics, and I hope your little magazine goes down the shit tubes with the Free Times. Have a good day.

There are a lot more awkward Poison-concert moments in Brady Quinn's Cleveland future.

Between now and next week, the face of the Cleveland Browns could be a lot prettier and way less into fishing. Today, the Browns and Derek Anderson failed to reach an agreement on a long-term deal that would keep the Moose in town past next season. Instead, GM Phil Savage has tendered DA a one-year contract worth about $2.75 million.

As free agency starts tomorrow, Cleveland fans are going to see for the first time just how much interest there is around the NFL in the Pro Bowl quarterback. The tendered offer means that if another team offers DA a higher contract, the Browns have right of first refusal, and receive a first and third round draft pick as compensation should DA leave. ...

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Drew Carey: Prime Cleveland beefcake

If you see throngs of sobbing women draped in long black veils today, rest assured they are not mourning the death of William F. Buckley — as sad as that may be.

No, they’ve just heard much worse news: Drew Carey, Cleveland’s most eligible bachelor, is no longer on the market. The loveable Price is Right star just confirmed on Regis and Kelly this morning that he is, in fact, engaged.

On the positive side, thousands of potential suitors no longer have to pretend he’s funny…

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Lounge Kitty purrrrrs at Twist tonight.

The flier on the wall at the gay-friendly Twist says it all about tonight’s drag-show-of-sorts: “Take a cup of cabaret, add a teaspoon of jazz, pour in a pinch of the blues, and top it off with a drop of humor.” And what do you get? The “often silly, indefinably unique” Lounge Kitty.

The 36-year-old chanteuse gushes that a good chunk of her loyal fan base is homo-heavy, who apparently love her campy renditions of Styx, Journey, and even Snoop Dogg. “I’m like their drag queen without the duct tape,” laughs Kitty, who once fronted the ’90s jazz band, Swank Motel. “The hair is big, the dresses are tacky, and the show is bawdy and over-the-top.”

As for tonight’s performance, it’s anybody’s guess what’ll come out of her mouth. “I never think ahead of time of what I’ll do at a show; it just happens. But I have this fantasy to take Britney Spears’ songs, arrange them for a big jazz band, and do a big venue like the State Theatre,” says Kitty. “I won’t do it for the money, but to shock as many people in Cleveland as humanly possible. It’ll be my last hurrah.” Showtime is from 10 p.m. to midnight at Twist, 11633 Clifton Boulevard. Admission is free. Call 216-221-2333. – Cris Glaser