Blogs

Dear Class,

Please listen up, because this one comes from the heart: I’m tired of your knuckles pummeling me into the hospital. This is not why I became a teacher.

Seven years ago, I happily discarded plans to become an electrical engineer so I could read your argumentative essays on why the school’s dress-code sucks. I have forsaken fortunes to explain to you why 2X over X equals ... hell, I forget what that equals, thanks to the concussion you gave me with your trapper-keeper. I still vomit in my sleep from that one. And do you know how much new flannel sheets cost after tax? No, you don’t, because when I tried to teach you percentages, you shivved me with my own mechanical pencil. ...

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Cedar Lee Theatre (2163 Lee Road, Cleveland Heights, 440.564.2030) is a gem of a movie theatre. They play quality movies (sorry Dennis Quaid), sell reasonably priced popcorn, and, most importantly, they serve beer. (As an aside, said beer is half-priced on Wednesday before 8, which means you can get a Heineken or Great Lakes for $2, which is the rough equivalent to them paying you to drink it.)

The place also has character. Case in point: their “Cult Film Series," which plays a different classic cult flick the last Saturday of every month, at 9:30 and midnight. ...

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Marilyn Manson, who plays HOB Friday, has a new album out. Here's hoping he doesn't play anything off of it.

Remember when The Onion made fun of Marilyn Manson in 2001, implying that the once inventive shock-rocker was becoming a tired parody of himself? Well, it’s now true. Manson’s latest album, Eat Me, Drink Me, is a mess of unintentional laughs, faux-spookiness, and boring riffs. (For an in-depth look at the CD, check out Hannah Levin's story on Manson in this week’s Scene.)

But it wasn’t always this way. A decade or so ago, Manson was making music that was literate, smart, and genuinely wicked. His best album, Mechanical Animals, was a sharp concept record about modern-day alienation that combined the lofty lyricism of David Bowie with Nine Inch Nails’ industrial squall. But these days, Manson is a drugged-out joke, dating girls half his age and still trying to shake the mainstream.

The big news regarding his latest tour is the return of Twiggy Ramirez, Manson’s old bandmate who left in a huff earlier in the decade. We’re not sure that Ramirez can salvage Eat Me, Drink Me’s clunkers onstage. But at least he’ll bring a smattering of nostalgia to distract from the caricature the pasty-faced rocker has become. -- Michael Gallucci

Marilyn Manson performs at 7 p.m. on Friday, February 1, at House of Blues, 308 Euclid Avenue. The show is sold out, but you may be able to find tickets on craigslist. For a preview, listen to “Cake and Sodomy” below:

With two weeks to go until Valentine’s Day, AOL CityGuide recently issued annual its list of recommended spots for Cleveland singles and couples looking to spend February 14 out of the house. It’s a really useful guide – if you want to spend a romantic evening frolicking among the always gentlemanly crowd on West Sixth, ending the night at a club that hasn’t been open for weeks. ...

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Ever since Speak In Tongues closed its doors in 2002, Cleveland's west side has suffered a major drought of quality indie-rock clubs. For nearly eight years, the Ohio City haunt was one of the most important underground venues in the nation, with bands from Modest Mouse to the Brian Jonestown Massacre gracing its stage long before their names became mainstays in Spin and Rolling Stone.

Since then, west side rock fans have been forced to make the grueling trek -- at least it seems grueling with a half-dozen PBRs in your system – to the Beachland Ballroom and the Grog Shop to get their musical fix.

But that should change in late February, when Mario Nemr opens up The Matinee Cleveland at 2527 West 25th Street, between the West Side Market and Clark Avenue. ...

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C-Notes' music junkies are presently camped out at McCarthy’s Ale House in the Flats, poised to get good seats at the bar for Sunday’s Super Bowl party. Instead of writing up Columbus' earthy alt-rock cult heroes Red Wanting Blue, we're just passing the virtual mic to frontman Scott Terry to explain why they're worth your time tomorrow night. ...

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A new incarnation of Cleveland’s legendary Euclid Tavern (11629 Euclid Tavern, University Circle, 216-231-7066) opened last weekend. The first week was a low-profile one, climaxing with a Friday night set by the expert Grateful Dead emulators of the JiMiller Band, a mainstay at the bar from 1981 until '87, when Joan Jett and Michael J. Fox breezed into town and filmed some of the rock movie Light of Day there. By night's end, the tables were cleared, and the dance floor was open -- and packed. ...

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The majority of Americans who watch the Super Bowl this Sunday will do so in their family rooms, while noshing on store-bought pizza and wings. According to industry sources, in fact, February 3 will be the biggest day of the year for pizza chains. Domino’s estimates it will deliver more than 1.2 million pies that day, while industry leader Pizza Hut expects 2.5 million calls. ...

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The Twelfth Annual Tri-C High School Rock Off comes to an end Saturday, February 2 at House of Blues (308 Euclid Ave., 215-523-2583).

Drawn from all over Northeast Ohio, 19 bands will perform 15-minute sets, competing for cash, instruments, and other prizes and opportunities. If you want to see your boss’s kid’s band, but you don’t want to spend all day watching ska ensembles from Willoughby, worry not: Scene has the bands and their (projected) start times after the jump. ...

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Last August, five future entrepreneurs from Case Western were tossing around ideas on how to become rich. One happened to strike up a conversation with the owner of Crop Bistro, a restaurant on on West 6th. They got to talking about how hard it is for Cleveland eateries to buy local produce. Freshforkmarket.com was born.

The five students contacted area farmers and restaurants about participating in a program that would bring fresh produce to the doorsteps of kitchens. The group set up a website whereby farmers could upload pictures and detailed reports of their freshest crops. Restaurateurs could then peruse the inventory and order online. A messenger would deliver the vegetables within 24 hours...

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For years, our civic leaders have been discussing the possibility of reducing the number of seats on the Cleveland City Council. The body now stands at a fat 21 members, but seeing as how it does less work than an ODOT highway crew, many believe that it's unwise to keep paying that many people $70,000 a year – especially in a shrinking city.

Of course, little progress has been made. The proposition essentially requires Council to A) do something and B) do something against members' best interests. Analysts believe that only an act of God could force them to do either. Some on Council even contend that nothing will change until the new Census comes out, so they can pretend to have a scientific rationale for whacking someone’s seat. They’ll just have to get someone to read the Census for them…

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DJ Shadow takes to the tables Thursday at the House of Blues.

DJ Shadow & Cut Chemist’s “The Hard Sell” tour isn’t about the turntablists’ latest albums. So don’t go expecting to hear songs from Shadow’s 2006’s boring The Outsider, or his landmark Endtroducing ... from 1996, or whatever Chemist, who's better live anyway, has released recently. This show is all about the two pals spinning together on stage.

Here are the stats for tomorrow night's stop at House of Blues: eight turntables, two guitar-loop pedals, four hands. Shadow may have reshuffled the DJ genre on Endtroducing . . . , which raided crates of old records to come up with a sound that wasn’t quite hip-hop, electronica, or ambient, but was a mix of all of them and then some. But “The Hard Sell” show is sure to keep the focus on party jams. Fans, after all, fans want to raise their hands like they just don’t care, not nod to sleepy beats for an hour and a half. -- Michael Gallucci

DJ Shadow & Cut Chemist perform at 8 p.m. on Thursday, January 31, at House of Blues, 308 Euclid Avenue. Tickets are $29.50.

Catch some of Cleveland’s finest indie-rock bands at this weekend’s Woodchuck Fest. Click the video above for a righteous video of the super-hot rock duo Mr. Gnome, and read on to learn about Babylon A Go Go, and why they say you need to see the show. -- DX Ferris

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Remember the good old days, when high school sex education consisted of plastic ovaries and condoms on bananas? Kids these days have it way better.

The Midwest Teen Sex Show is an online show designed to educate teens about sex, run by a trio from Illinois and Wisconsin. And for once, this sex education speaks the language of the teens it’s trying to reach — it’s crude, ridiculous, and hilarious. ...

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This blog is best read while listening to Portland's own, the Decemberists:

Dear LeBron,

C-notes would like to wish you the very best in tonight’s outing against the Portland Blazers. But please be careful. Portland is a sneaky place. The men in this idyllic outpost of socialism dress like women. And the women dress like men. Actually, it is impossible to tell if Portlanders are men or women. Both sexes wear the same asymmetrical haircut in this town. Both sexes swoon equally for Tegan and Sarah and Rufus Wainwright. And both sexes have sex with both sexes. There is no gay or straight in Portland. Just queer. Don't let that get you off your game. ...

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