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Congressman Dennis Kucinich may lack any real political endorsements. But when it came time for Pizza Hut to pick the best presidential candidate to appear in its new commercial, there was never any question.

The ad splices together soundbites from the different candidates. When the announcer says, “Are people seeing lower prices now?” the commercial cuts to Dennis saying, “More people in this country have seen UFOs.”

Of course, the ad has outraged Kucinich supporters, who are angry that Pizza Hut would focus on the little guy’s belief in extra-terrestrials, instead of touting his work on behalf of imporant issues, like writing press releases and spending public money to vacation in Hawaii. “That’s fucking unfair,” writes one blogger on Wonkette. “That fattie Bill Richardson is clearly behind this.”

Yet while Bill Richardson’s figure clearly exhibits a devotion to pepperoni, Pizza Hut officials claim there was no harm intended. “We found humor in his comment,” a company flak told The Plain Dealer. Besides, showing Kucinich babbling about his universal healthcare proposal in an ad for pizza just wouldn’t make any sense, now would it. – Jared Klaus

Last year, we introduced you to some of the upstanding employees at Rysar Properties. As the biggest home builder in Cleveland, the company liked to brag about its stellar team.

But at least two of those team members, Vince Ruggieri and Ed Tekieli, had admitted to being involved in a scheme to defraud the feds [“Man With a Past,” June 28, 2006]. A third, Otis Bevel Jr., had twice pleaded guilty to defrauding mortgage lenders. He was actually hired fresh from the slam.

Now it appears he’s returned to his old ways…

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On December 18, the voters of Ward 14 clearly and convincingly showed their good judgment (with 60% of the vote) in rejecting the recall of Councilman Joe Santiago.

This wholly unnecessary election was the result of one disgruntled former office holder. It cost the voters of Cleveland some $47,000, or about $40 for each vote cast. If it had been successful, it would have cost the city more than $50,000 to hold a special election...

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Browns
Those rumors about Romeo Crennel going to the Dolphins just won’t die. ProFootballTalk.com first reported that Bill Parcells has Romeo on the top of his head coach wish list to replace the soon-to-be-fired Cam Cameron. Of course, Romeo is under contract and can’t leave willy nilly without the Browns’ permission. And if they did let him go, they’d probably want to be compensated handsomely by the Dolphins with cash or draft picks.

Decent profile on Derek Anderson on ESPN.com with the usual puffy backstory about him growing up in a small town and coming out of nowhere. Most interesting tidbit: Anderson is childhood friends with Sara Jean Underwood, Playboy’s Playmate of the Year for 2007. What’s with Cleveland quarterbacks and hot Playboy models? Where’s the love for the long snapper?

Good news out of Indianapolis for Browns fans, where Marvin Harrison practiced after an injury forced him to miss 10 games. With the Colts wanting to get Harrison back into some kind of playing form before the playoffs start, Sunday will be their last chance to get him some game action. That should mean more playing time for Peyton Manning, and hopefully, a better chance for a Colts win...

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The Music Department hasn't been heard from since Scene's raucous Christmas party at Chuck E. Cheese's. So we'll let Michigan's Lifted explain why you need to see the modern-rock band.

Band: Lifted

Hometown: Flint/Lansing, MI

Sounds like: "Hard rock/metal with melodic vocals."

Recommend for fans of: "Breaking Benjamin/Chevelle/Tool."

Fun fact: "We are all a family (literally), and we are a crazy good time, so come hang out with us!"

Playing: Friday, Dec. 28th at the Green Room (200 S. Depeyster St., 330-677-1904, Kent). And Saturday, December 29 at Verlie's Cafe (W. 46th St. and Storer Ave., Cleveland, 216-651-5713)

Why you need to see them: "We bring it 100% everytime we play; you will not be disappointed in our show! Plus, we love meeting new people so come on out." -- Dan, lead singer/guitarist

We read Kevin O'Brien so you don't have to ...

Column: Candidates' Christmas ads, brought to you by elves and. . . saboteurs?

December 26, 2007

Topic: The presidential candidates’ Christmas commercials airing in Iowa and New Hampshire.

Kevin's Sanity Level Today: 4 percent

What Your Head Would Feel Like if You Read it Yourself: Imagine getting your face stuffed down the garbage disposal, then having some rats chew on the remains while they discuss the treasury bond market.

Charting Kevin's Logic:

1. Kevin’s the kind of guy who reads all the political blogs and uses words like “traction” and “sea change.”

2. Unfortunately, he assumes you’re like that too, even though you’d prefer to be repeatedly stabbed in the testicles with a Phillips screwdriver.

3. So he actually went to YouTube to see the commercials the presidential candidates are airing in Iowa and New Hampshire over the holidays.

4. Sadly, now he wants to tell you about them.

5. Kevin has completely left the planet on this one, so we’re not sure what the hell he’s talking about. But Fred Thompson apparently thanks the troops. Mike Huckabee seems to be using a cross in his commercial, though it might just be a bookshelf. For some reason Rudy Giuliani is talking about “strict-constructionist judges” with Santa. But the worst commercials, naturally, come from Hillary Clinton, who is addressing “universal health care” and “alternative energy,” which Kevin thinks is Devil talk.

6. WTF?

7. Final conclusion: Kevin seems to now believe that politicians are shameless.

Ever since TV cameras in Youngstown caught Marc Dann telling a newspaper reporter to “go f*%k himself” last summer, the media has had a strange obsession with the Ohio Attorney General.

It’s hard blame them. Considering most politicians speak as passionately as the guy who writes instruction manuals for Maytag – see the current roster of presidential candidates – someone who actually speaks like a human is rather unusual.

Last month, Dayton Daily News reporter Laura Bischoff filed a public records request for every office e-mail sent by Dann since he took office. Youngstown Vindicator reporter David Skolnick followed up by requesting all of the emails on Dann’s Yahoo account.

Unfortunately for the eager reporters, the attorney general seems to save his best cussing for in-person interviews. Other than one instance where Dann used the term “MF’er,” and another in which he compared the crucifixion of Christ to receiving bad press, the stories were about as salacious as grandma’s zucchini bread.

The constant press was especially frustrating for Dann’s communications director, Leo Jennings. “I don’t get the point,” Jennings told Scene last month. “If Marc Dann gets frustrated and says Goddamnit, it shouldn’t be the focus of the media for four days.”

Yet now Jennings himself is the target of the profanity police. The Dayton Daily News recently revealed an e-mail from Jennings to Steve Lamantia, the former head of the Bureau of Criminal Investigation, who had angered Jennings by going around him to another AG spokesperson with details of the death of a Summit County Jail inmate.

“Steve, the fact that you thought you could go around me to Jennifer Brindisi shows what an absolute &*^%%&& incompetent insubordinate moron you really are. You’ve completely botched this. I know it, you know [it], and everyone else is going to know it, you coward. If you have something to say to me, call me and say it to me you *&^%$. Leo.”

Jennings has since been reprimanded by Dann for the outburst. From now on, all profanity-laced meltdowns must be made in person. – Jared Klaus

Ever since Akron City Council President Marco Sommerville got busted for carrying a loaded gun into Akron-Canton Airport, he’s desperately been trying to divert residents’ attention.

Just a week after his misdemeanor conviction, Sommerville called for the resignation of Police Chief Michael Matulavich, a 40-year veteran named chief in 2000. Unfortunately, Sommerville came up a bit short on his reasoning. He simply argued that Matulavich “keeps the department down,” noting that the chief rarely makes appearances during the midnight shift and has little support among the troops.

He may, however, wish to bone up on his arguments. After all, among the first to come to Matulavich’s defense was union boss Paul Hlynsky.

“'The last guy who knows what's good for the police department is Marco Sommerville,'' Hlynsky told The Akron Beacon Journal. “He has never been a friend of the police department. He's made some very anti-police comments during his tenure on City Council. The only thing I can figure is Marco has one of his buddies in line to be police chief so he can further his efforts to influence the department. . . . To me, he's the enemy of the police officers.”

And if you asked most Akronites about the police department’s biggest problems, they wouldn’t cite Matulavich’s leadership. They’d point to the lack of funding from Sommerville’s City Council. – Denise Grollmus

It’s official: If no one votes in the 2008 Democratic primary -- except for a women’s yoga circle in Rocky River and a support group for users of store-bought inhalants -- Congressman Dennis Kucinich would be a lock to win his party's nomination, according to a slightly unscientific poll released by his campaign.

Of the 80,000 votes cast on IndependentPrimary.com , Kucinich landed a whopping 61,477 of them. Coming in at a not-so-close second place was John Edwards with 7,614. The online poll supposedly surveyed people around the country who describe themselves as outside the mainstream.

This is huge news for Kucinich fans, who are now hoping that mainstream voters -- with whom Dennis is slightly less popular than athlete's foot -- will somehow forget to show up on election day. -- Jared Klaus

A letter in response to "The Crackdown: A massive drug bust didn't stop the violence in Superior-St. Clair," June 13:

I feel that the neighborhood has calmed down a lot. I stay on East 74th in St.Clair and I went to school with most of the 7-All boys. I'm just happy to say that the neighborhood is safer in some areas. I have two kids by gang member Gary Keaton. My kids' father was killed in 2004 by a man named Douglas Lowe. He was only sentenced to 7 years. I was 5 months pregnant with my second child.

My daughter has never met her father. Every day my kids tell me they miss their father. The man that killed him will be free in 3 years. At least I can say all of the 7-All boys loved my children. They probably never meant for things to go the way they did. But they probably feel like they were losing too many of their loved ones.

To tell you the truth, I wish they all were out because the hood is not the same without them. Not talking about drugs or gang banging, but they were all good people to be around.

Traniece Jackson
Cleveland

We’re not sure what we’re doing New Year’s Eve (OK, we do know: We’re gonna be drinking lots and lots of booze, which will eventually lead to a pretty-close-to-naked rendition of “Umbrella” near midnight). But if we didn’t have plans, we’d definitely be tuning in to Radiohead’s New Year’s Eve free webcast.

The gig celebrates the January 1 release of the CD edition of In Rainbows, the download-only phenom that topped many critics’ best-of 2007 lists (including ours). As usual, the band’s keeping mum about what fans will hear when they click on over to Radiohead’s website Monday night, but they are promising more cover songs – like the fab version of New Order’s “Ceremony” they performed the last time they offered one of these free webcasts. --Michael Gallucci

Akron's For Fear of Roses will play a reunion set Thursday, December 27 at Annabell's (784 W. Market St., Akron. The alt-rock band played its first show at the bar in 1985, became pawns in a major-label bidding war, remained unsigned, opened for bands from 10,000 Maniacs to the Soup Dragons, and broke up in 1992.

"We initially planned on a three-set, full-costume and outfit-change spectacular," says bassist Gerard Dominick, who has gone on to play with nearly every band in Ohio, including the Colin John Band. "But after one dress rehearsal, and the fact that we could not find a shoehorn large enough to get me into my vintage '80s garb, we will perform one set of music instead."

The Brian Lisik Band will open. The 21+ show kicks off at 8 p.m.; admission is free. -- D.X. Ferris

Early Sunday morning, rapper Yung Joc got caught with a loaded semi-automatic weapon and more than a few rounds of ammunition at a security check at Hopkins airport (some of which were supposedly armor piercing, according to this story from ohio.com). Joc was promptly arrested.

Of course, like any good rap artist, Joc proclaimed his innocence by saying he didn’t know where the gun came from and it wasn’t his.

On a 100-point scale, the judges gave him only 1.3 for inventiveness.

Anyway, Joc’s arraignment was today and he didn’t show. His lawyer made an appearance, but that wasn’t enough for the judge, who apparently took umbrage at a rapper carrying a semiautomatic through the airport. An arrest warrant has been issued and Joc has been proclaimed a fugitive.

Pretty tough fighting words from the Cleveland courts, especially when compared to the recent of airport arrest of Akron Councilman Marco Sommerville, who was caught carrying a gun through security at the Canton-Akron airport. He had a permit to carry a concealed weapon, but obviously not in an airport.

Sommerville was not detained that day, and eventually plead no contest to a misdemeanor.

Interesting, that’s all I’m going to say. – Vince Grzegorek

Not really. But this skit, brought to you by FunnyOrDie.com may cause you to reconsider sponsoring a child in Africa this year.

A peculiar thing happened in Hunting Valley’s recent council election. First, there was actual competition in the wealthy ‘burb, where it’s often hard just to scrape up enough people to fill all six seats.

But this year the pool was plentiful, and two incumbents — Mary Weber and Williams O’Neill, Jr. — tied in one race. Thus, the Cuyahoga county board of elections decided to break it with a coin toss.

And that’s when something even weirder happened. O’Neill volunteered to call the toss, then picked… the edge. As in the part of the coin that had no possibility of winning.

Apparently, this was O’Neill’s way of conceding gracefully. “I actually believed that the village would be better served by [Weber] being on Council,” he said. “I honestly believe that Mary would be more effective and a better council person than I.”

The incident is believed to be the first genuinely selfless act by an American politician since 1913, when Marvin Katic, a Stansfield, Montana school board member, offered his seat to an elderly woman on a bus. – Lisa Rab