The deteriorating relationship between the United States and Iran may hold the highest stakes of any international crisis. As the country nears closer to going nuclear, the West must walk a tightrope between imposing meaningful sanctions -- without further emboldening and expanding Iran’s hard-line Islamist movement.
Now is surely not the time for any cowboy displays of bravado on the part of the United States, as anyone can plainly see. But Plain Dealer columnist Kevin O’Brien isn't anyone. Blow the shit outta dem lil’ fuckknuckles, he declares in his latest masterpiece.
That’s right, says O’Brien, the paper’s deputy editorial director, in his column “United States is wasting its table manners on Iran.” The time for talking is done. Now its time to make them little falafel-eatin’, camel-milkin’, VCR-repairing, abu-gabu-jabu-talkin’ freakie-deakies pay, beeyatch!
O’Brien clearly disagrees with the moderate approach taken by the new U.S. ambassador to the U.N., Zalmay Khalilzad, a Sunni political scientist born in Afghanistan. O’Brien’s tired of talking about his feelings, and he’s unraveled a two-step plan for fixing the problem, right-wing-wackjob-style:
One: “Detail Iranian behavior no longer to be tolerated.”
Two: Create a “list of targets Iran can expect to be destroyed should misbehavior persist.”
Possible third step: Distribute fully-automatic weapons to every man, woman and child in the United States, just as a safety precaution. – Jared Klaus
Dr. Steven Nissen is pissed. And the Cleveland Clinic’s chairman of cardiovascular medicine is ready to vent on Nightline tonight.
It all started when Nissen released details of a study he coauthored on the diabetes drug Avandia. The drug helps improve blood sugar flow. It also, according to Nissen’s research, might jack up your chances of getting a heart attack. That’s what we lay people call a Pyrrhic Victory.
But it seems some were not too happy with Nissen’s research. That included a spokesman of the FDA, who emailed a story and blog critical of Nissen to some journalists. The FDA susquently released a statement saying the guy who sent the e-mail was acting on his own. Nissen’s still fuming, calling it an “outrage.”
Cleveland Plays -- the co-ed sports group that plays like kids and parties like the illegitimate child of Colin Farrell and Lenny Bruce – is teaming up with Ohio City’s Garage Bar (1859 W. 25th St) for a summer kick-off party Friday, June 1.
The Garage’s sprawling patio will be open, as will its new kitchen. More importantly, your liver can look forward to all-you-can drink Molson, Coors, and/or house wines from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m.
Since it’s sponsored by Cleveland Plays, you can also expect plenty of big-boned, broad-shouldered football-playing men and women. In other words, it should be great breeding ground if you’re hoping to one day live vicariously through your children’s athletic feats.
Go forth and get pissed, my sporty friends. – Joe P. Tone
Glenn Danzig’s DNA is splattered all over the dark underworld of punk, hardcore, and heavy metal. And while his work may be footnotes to the musical mainstream, what footnotes they are.
Danzig’s 1992 instrumental Black Aria album topped Billboard’s Classical charts, and last year’s sequel cracked the top ten, landing between Itzhak Perlman and Andrea Bocelli. Johnny Cash and Roy Orbison performed songs he wrote. And Rick Rubin (2007’s Grammy winner for Producer of the Year) produced the early albums from Danzig’s self-titled band, which are slowly receiving recognition as rock classics. Not bad for a Jersey guy who made his first marks as a tattooed punk, singing uptempo horrorcore tunes like “Astro Zombies” in an Elvis croon.
Learn more about his 30-year recording career in this week’s Scene, which takes a look at the new Lost Tracks of Danzig collection. And read on for exclusive online excerpts that didn’t make it into this week’s story:
Scene: Does The Lost Tracks of Danzig collection empty your vaults?
Danzig: No. There’s still more. No one’s gonna hear that other stuff, though.
Scene: Do you still shoot photos yourself?
Danzig: We’re talking about doing a Danzig photo book, which would just be tons of photos from the beginning till now. Back in the punk days, shots now, shots on the video sets, hanging out on tour. Kind of a nice, cool book. Maybe there’ll be some really cool photos in there. I have photos I took back in the day of Sid [Vicious] on stage and the Cramps backstage with the original lineup, and Richard Hell, all these people. Pictures of the Damned, from a three-night stand at CBGB’s, where the Dead Boys opened up. I hated the Dead Boys, I thought they were an awful, poseur band. I had to sit through them to see the Damned. Then I didn’t get many Damned pictures. The bassist was too wasted to play, and he wrecked everything.
Scene: How do you demo something like Black Aria 2’s “Lamenta Lilith”, which had female vocals?
Danzig: I didn’t demo it. We just called up the engineers and rolled the tape… It’s like any song: You hear the song in your head, and you try to visualize it, and you go out there and try to teach the girl how to sing what you want her to sing. I laid down the tracks, and then had the girl start singing to it. She couldn’t do it, so then I would come in and do a vocal track for her to sing to, so it progresses - you just do whatever has to be done to make it happen. I’m going to do a 3.There are two subjects it might be about. But if I do it about this one - I might just do it about Hell - it’s going to be very crazy: lots of jazz chords, dark, creepy, symphonic jazz chords. Like Hell, my version. And I might not do that; I might do something more ethereal.
Scene: Will there be a ninth Danzig album?
Danzig: Yeah. I’ve been working on some Danzig stuff. But hopefully sometime in 2008, I’ll go into the studio and start laying down some basics. -- D.X. Ferris
Chuck D visited the main branch of Akron’s public library Wednesday, May 23, as part of its excellent series of free lectures. The introduction described his hip-hop squad, Public Enemy, as “arguably the most important rap group in history.”
At the turn of the millennium, Chuck retreated from the major-label record business. PE was once an MVP on Def Jam’s early roster, the political engine of the hit factory, rounding a roster featuring Run-DMC, the Beastie Boys, and LL Cool J. In recent years, he’s concentrated on running his own digital-based label, SlamJamz [www.slamjamz.com ]. After 58 musical and speaking tours of the world, he’s currently moving around the county to promote his latest book, Chuck D: Lyrics of a Rap Revolutionary.
The Quotable Chuck D, Part Three of Three: Reality
On the role of athletes in the black community: “Celebrity is the drug of America.”
On looks vs. substance: “There’s a lot of people frontin’ based on how they look.”
On politics and geography: “The whole country is governed by New York, LA, and D.C. Beltway politics. And the rest of the country, you might as well be a country bumpkin.”
On the underappreciated value of “stupid”: “I say ‘stupid’ because we don’t use that word enough. You say ‘Yo, you’ stupid, dawg,’ and they’ll either get flustered or get their act together.”
On teens as young adults: “We cannot have a 15-year-old person making up their own rules about what life is about.”
On money and race: “Nowhere in the world can you take money with a black face on it and exchange it equally for money with a white person on it.”
On personal political activism: “Demand your right to make your existence better.”
On America’s isolationist tendencies: “The best American is a citizen of the world.”
On the environment: “You don’t get two planets. Jack this one up, and it’s a wrap.”
On Ohio citizens: “That’s one thing I like about people in Ohio: They’re down-to-earth.”
The Scene Music Department have been indefinitely suspended following an article that referred to Sublime-worshipping fraternity members as “happy-headed bro’s.” So instead of having a writer talk up Auburn Records’ new tech-metal phenom, the guys from Eternal Legacy will do it for themselves:
Sounds like: “Aggressive/melodic/epic heavy metal.”
Fun fact: “Our manager, Al, looks like Mr. Clean, and will wash your girlfriend/wife's breasts at the show, free of charge. Also, the loudest mother ****** at our show will get liquored up on us for free, but will have to pay the price of getting the worst hangover possible the next day. Be our guest!”
Playing: 8 p.m. Friday, June 1 at the Jigsaw Saloon (5324 State Rd., Parma).
Why you need to see them: “It's only $7, and the band will be sacrificing emo kids onstage all night. Crowd participation encouraged!” -- Murder Axe Vanek (Guitar), Jason Vanek (Vocals/Guitar) and Josh Gatka (Bass)
The last time we caught up with Andrew Kolcinko, the Solon cop was facing 27 criminal charges after he threatened to kill his ex-girlfriend, Elizabeth Stevens, and their child [“Caught on Tape,” February 21].
Stevens gave Garfield Heights police over 15 hours of recorded phone conversations in which Kolcinko promised to shoot her and then smother their son. "We will see when I choke that little motherfucker and put the pillow on his fucking face just until he almost stops breathing," Kolcinko could be heard saying.
Kolcinko said his threats were baited by Stevens and vowed to fight the charges. But that was before he actually heard the tapes.
On May 24, just 10 days after finally listening to the recordings, Kolcinko plead no contest to five of the charges. “You can’t explain those [threats] away,” says prosecutor James McGrath. “When the attorney listened to [those tapes], he problem told [Kolcinko] to fold up his tent.”
Kolcinko, who has since lost his job with the Solon Police Department, offered a tearful apology before he was sentenced to two years of probation, anger management and domestic violence classes, and a $5,000 fine. If he contacts Stevens or any of her relatives, he could face up to 18 months in the slammer.
Still, McGrath thinks this isn’t the last he or Stevens will hear from Kolcinko. “This fella just doesn’t get it,” McGrath says. “If I was a betting man, I’d bet that we see them again. Love dies hard. There’s a fatal attraction there for whatever reason.” – Denise Grollmus
The Blossom Time Festival in Chagrin Falls last weekend was filled with all the comforting signs of summer: funnel cake, ferris wheel, greasy pizza, $2 bottled water. On Saturday night, despite the rain, hordes of teenyboppers swarmed through the mud, trying not to trip on electrical cords as they wandered from the dart booth to the lemonade stand.
All was peaceful and serene, as long as you didn’t look too hard at the sponsorship signs. For it appeared that the company bringing you The Scrambler and other beloved children’s rides was none other than Anthony Allega Cement Contractor.
It’s better than the real thing: Once rivals, Metallica and Megadeth didn’t share a stage until both of them had seen better days. Tribute bands Alcoholica (Metallica) and Degameth (Megadeth) recreate the clash of the titans the way it should have been, presenting sets primarily comprising old-school classics.
Featuring former members of MSOD and Mo Rage, Cleveland’s Degameth nails some of the sickest, gnarliest guitar songs ever. Frontman George Hartwig - thankfully - sings deeper than Megadeth’s Dave Mustaine’s trademark piercing vocals, leaving the shrieking to lead guitarist Jon Perroti. Alcoholica is a side-project for drummer Opus and guitarist Ross, whose main gig is playing in Dead by Wednesday, a metalcore on the roster of Jamey Jasta’s Stillborn Records. As Mustaine once asked, “Can you put a price on peace -- or a show like this?”
Alcoholica drummer Opus didn’t want to ruin the surprise, but here’s what he had to say about his band:
“I can tell you that we do not play anything past …And Justice For All, and we call ourselves a CLASSIC METALLICA tribute band, so that gives you a hint for sure. We do a bunch of the old classics that everyone wants to hear, and some obscure old ones, as well as some of the covers they did too, from the Misfits and more. We do it out of respect for the band, so we try an play it like they did when they were kids.”
And the kids sure were alright.
Alcoholica and Degameth. 7:30 p.m. Thursday, May 31, $6, 21 and over/$10, 20 and under (all ages). Peabody’s, 2083 E. 21st St., 216-776-9999. - D.X. Ferris
Chuck D visited the main branch of Akron’s public library last week as part of its excellent series of free lectures. The introduction described his hip-hop squad, Public Enemy, as “arguably the most important rap group in history.”
The frontman took the stage to the soulful chorus sample from PE’s “By the Time I Get to Arizona,” an anthem of sociopolitical disenfranchisement. He got a standing ovation for just taking the stage – maybe a little of it was for wearing a navy Cavaliers cap, even though he’s a lifelong Knicks fan. Chuck quickly explained that he’s not a bandwagon fan, and said LeBron James “seems like a fine young man, who comes from a place that’s about some values.”
The Quotable Chuck D, Part Two of Three: Race
On his graying goatee: “I’ve got some gray in my face… There’s no Grecian formula for this; as a black man in America, you’ve got to earn this.”
On race in America, and his failure to distinguish between black and Latino cultures’ contributions to hip-hop: “If you’re non-white in America, you’re a person of color.”
On white people in rap: “Can a white person be hip-hop? Yeah. Hell yeah, because it’s a culture.”
On black women: “Black women are treated the worst in society. Black women are superwomen.”
On the post-Imus controversy regarding use of the N-word in hip-hop: “Everything on the street ain’t meant to be broadcast. The N-word, the B-word, if it has its place, it’s in dark corners.”
On hip-hop’s revival of the N-word: “You cannot turn the word ‘nigger’ around, because the first time it was used, it like, ‘Nigger, get on that boat.’” [Followed by a pantomime of a whip crack].
On accepting the N-word: “If you let people call you anything, you’ll let them call you everything.”
On Barry Bonds’ chase for the home run record: “I’ve never seen so much blatant racism in my life.”
On Roger Clemens’ light work schedule and general pampering: “Roger Clemens is the worst thing ever for baseball… What does that tell you? ‘You’re the best, so you get provisions’?”
On race: “Race is still misunderstood in America. There’s only one race: the human race… Don’t applaud for me – I didn’t make this up.”
No, but he has the best way of saying it.
Part 1 of the Quotable Chuck D, Part I: On Rap – D.X. Ferris
Chaos may be the plat du jour come June, when long-time Cleveland chef Heather Campbell opens her Ohio City deli and catering ops, Dish Global Deli (1834 W. 25th St., in the former Opa space). The name is frightfully similar to the one already in use by long-time Cleveland chef Donna Chriszt, at her recently opened Tremont deli and catering ops, Dish Deli & Catering (1112 Kenilworth Ave., in the former Take-A-Bite space).
Chriszt, whose credits include Jeso, J Café, and OZ, says she has given Campbell a “friendly” notification that the name is taken.
Campbell, whose resume includes a four-year stint at the Fulton Bar & Grill, as well as at Johnny Mango, Heck’s Café, and the Waterstreet Grill, says she isn’t concerned. “If the State of Ohio doesn’t care,” she said, referring to the business registration process, “I don’t either.”
Launching a new biz is tough enough. Confusing your potential customers doesn’t seem like it would make it any easier. -- Elaine T. Cicora
Don’t look now, but the raging Grady vs. Brady forest fire is spreading.
If you haven’t been paying attention, you’re a loser. But don’t worry. I’ll be your guide through this philosophical conundrum of hotness. Basically, The Plain Dealer recently posed a very meaningful question, the sort of thing Kant would have considered if his cable package included the ESPN 2: Who’s hotter: Tribe centerfielder Grady Sizemore or Browns quarterback Brady Quinn?
Vexing, I know. I spent all last week breaking this down with my old TI-82 calculator. But then today, I stumbled across a copy of the Seven Hills News, the newspaper put out by the suburb’s mayor, David Bentkowski. In it, Bentkowski, who's always viewed modesty as a communicable disease, adds himself to the equation, putting his photo next to the two sex symbols’.
He then spends an entire page on a side-by-side-by-side comparison. Under “job duties,” for instance, he writes that Grady must “serve as catalyst of team.” Brady must “lead entire offense.” And the mayor? Well, he must “manage entire city.”
Bentkowski also breaks down the “accomplishments on behalf of the community.” Grady hit .270. Brady lost in the Sugar Bowl. The mayor? “Since Bentkowski took office,” he writes, “city coffers have $1.5 million more in, crime remains almost non-existent,” etc.
As for athletic feats, the mayor brags that he “throws out 5,000 Seven Hills News papers in one night all alone. Stands in front of K-Mart for 12 hours for the Salvation Army. Plays second base for The Casket Store in Parma Rec. League.”
Bentkowski closes with a plea to the people of Seven Hills: “The fact is I am as big a Grady or Brady fan as you are and I am glad they play for our home teams. My point is I wonder how much more I could accomplish for you and Seven Hills if more people took an active interest in our community the way they do for sports. Just as they play for ‘the love of the game’ – I work for my love of Seven Hills. I don’t need the money they make – I don’t need all the perks they receive. All I need is to know I am making a positive difference for my home town and for you. Cheer for Grady … Cheer for Brady … and doesn’t it make sense to Cheer for your Mayor?” – Joe P. Tone
It was a close call for riders of the Magnum XL-200 rollercoaster at Cedar Point Saturday, after a train coming into the station failed to brake, smashing into a departing train.
Luckily the ride was only traveling at about 10 miles per hour at impact, so no one was seriously injured, although two people were treated for minor injuries at the park’s first aid station. Unfortunately, not all amusement park mishaps have such happy endings.
To celebrate the start of this year’s rollercoaster season, we’re rolling out C-Notes’ Top Five Amusement Park Disasters of All Time.
5). July 9, 1980. At an amusement park in Missouri, a 26-year-old man was killed when a rollercoaster operator, unaware that the man was still aboard the ride, diverted the train into a service area with a low-hanging wooden beam. You can guess how that one ended. Ouch!
4). May 22, 1981. This hurts just to think about. A 14-year-old girl was killed at a park in Rochester, New York, after she fell off of a ride where electric cars move along a track. The girl fell into a rotating barrel, which then forced her body through a 5-by-7-inch gap into the area underneath the track.
3). May 11, 1984. Eight teenagers were burned alive inside the Haunted Castle at a Six Flags in New Jersey. After a light-bulb burned out in one of the rooms of the haunted house, one of the teenagers lit a cigarette lighter to find his way out. The lighter ignited some foam padding on the walls and the whole place went up like a piece of flash paper.
2). August 23, 1988. A 26-year-old man was killed at Astroland in Coney Island after he decided to stand up on the Cyclone rollercoaster as it was descending down the first hill. He fell 30 feet and landed on a cross-beam, dying instantly. That’ll leave a mark.
1). June 2, 1997. One teenager was killed and 32 were injured on a slide at Waterworld USA in Concord, California. The group of high school seniors was trying to break the record for the number of people going down the slide at once. The slide buckled under the weight, sending the teenagers falling 30 feet into a pile of bodies. -- Jared Klaus
With point guard Larry Hughes sidelined with a foot injury, the Cavaliers will start forward LeBron James at point guard in tonight’s Game 4, team sources say. It will mark the first time in league history that one player will start at two positions in the same game.
The Cavaliers struggled with the decision, but eventually decided that they would be better off playing with only four players. “This way, LeBron will get the ball, like, 20 percent more,” a high-level source stated. It also saves the Cavs from having to start Eric Snow, Damon Jones, or Daniel Gibson, keeping them available to towel off James during timeouts.
Cavs GM Danny Ferry also has petitioned NBA Commissioner David Stern for a last-minute rule change to allow James to pass the ball to himself. Stern is expected to make a decision by tonight’s game. According to an email obtained by C-Notes, Ferry believes that “such a rule, while unorthodox, would be pretty cool, especially for alley-oops and stuff.”
The Cavs also considered benching center Drew Gooden in favor James, but scratched the idea when they realized they wouldn’t have enough room on the bench. – Joe P. Tone
Chuck D visited the main branch of Akron’s public library last week as part of its excellent series of free lectures. The introduction described his hip-hop squad, Public Enemy, as “arguably the most important rap group in history.” PE brought combined intellectual substance, militant style, and dense, sampled-based funk in tunes like “Bring the Noise.”
Behind a podium, Chuck presided as a true master of ceremonies, letting a capacity crowd know that he was there to “untwist some minds” and talk about three topics: rap, race, and reality. He started off by saying it wouldn’t be a lecture, instead preferring to call it “a conversation.”
“I’m the black Charles Kurault,” he announced in a booming voice that filled the near-capacity auditorium even when he accidentally turned off the mic. Chuck spoke for over two hours, then answered questions and signed books in the lobby.
The Quotable Chuck D, Part One: Rap
Active in hip-hop since 1976, Chuck recalled his early thoughts on the possibility of a rap record: “I thought a rap record was inconceivable. Inconceivable, because how’ you gonna put a whole party on a record?”
Definition of hip-hop: “Hip-hop is the definition for black creativity since the middle of the 70s, when it was spawned in the Bronx.”
On hip-hop as a cultural ghetto: “Hip-hop has turned into a bachelor pad that hasn’t been cleaned in a long time.”
On Snoop Dogg, a rapper turned mogul, who splits his time between producing porn and coaching a youth football team: “This is my thing about Snoop: You’ve got porn here, and you’ve got little league teams here. Yo, dawg: Make up your mind.”
On NWA, who set new standards for explicit rap in the late 80s: “The success of NWA was just rehashing old funk records that New York wouldn’t play, with crazy curses on it.”
On NWA’s superstar lineup: “[Ice] Cube is like a little brother to me. He was the only one that had any sense of the bunch.”
On NWA’s second album, 1990’s Niggaz4life, a landmark in shock content, which included violence, misogyny, and talkin’ loud without sayin’ nothin’: “Niggaz4life was a step down from [1998’s hip-hop classic] Straight Outta Compton. I thought it was a whack album. [The over-the-top subject matter] became like a white dude’s fantasy. I liked what [departed key lyricist] Ice Cube was doing better.”
On the music industry: “The music business is deader than dead. People talk about [hip-hop moguls] Russell Simmons and Jay-Z and how they’re worth $250 million; they didn’t make their money selling records – they made it selling clothes.”
On approaching music as a career choice: “Making music, money should not enter the equation. Do what you do, and do it well, and a financial conversation will find you.”
On Jay-Z’s approach to worldwide philanthropy and activism: “Jay-Z goes to Africa, and you do a wave-by, like you’re Kennedy? Get your ass out there with the people.”
On Ohio’s contribution to rap: “Ohio rap never gets acknowledged in hip-hop. They invented the freestyle here – [pioneers like] Chill, Bingo, my man Johnny O.”
On hip-hop culture following the ascension of gun culture and thug life: “We’re in a zone of anti-intellectualism and dumb-ass-ification. Rap music looks the same, but like a lobotomy – they took the brain out.”
On Black Entertainment Television: “B.E.T. – Booty En’ Thug TV.”
On Flavor Flav, once the slapsticky yin to Chuck’s politically stern yang in Public Enemy, lately better known as the star of The Flavor of Love, which some see as a new low in the presentation of black culture: “Y’all seen my partner Flavor Flav on TV… This is the same Flavor Flav. He ain’t never changed. People are surprised he’s not a black revolutionary: He wears a clock, and he’s 48. I’m not amazed at Flavor; I’m amazed at America.” – D.X. Ferris
