Blogs

I find your article ["The Wrong Crowd," April 12] not only offensive, but inaccurate. You don't care that what you write hurts the people involved.

You should be ashamed of what you do. You expose people's lives to a media-controlled society that believes what you print, right or wrong. Your reporters and your magazine make me sick, and it should make you sick as well.

Kenny Spade
Mogadore

This morning on 90.3 WCPN's Sound of Ideas, a panel of esteemed journalists were discussing the first-year accomplishments of our great mayor, Frankie G. By the time I tuned in, they had finished outlining what I can only imagine was an illustrious list of accolades, and had moved on to pontificating about the future.

Tax abatements, the great minds said. That's the issue Jackson will tackle next year.

Somehow, I was unconvinced. So I decided to compile my own list of what we, the people, would like to see our great mayor do next year:

1. Leave City Hall.

2. Learn to speak in sentences that don't begin with the phrase "If I were paying attention."

3. Stop leaving love notes from Sam Miller lying around the office.

4. Talk to your brother, Nick. Rumor has it he's not so popular over at the school district.

5. Release that pile of public records you've been hoarding. Remember those minority-owned construction companies that were getting paid for not doing any work? Whatever happened to that investigation?

6. Try a new hairdo. Seriously, the Abe Lincoln look isn't helping your image.

7. Pay a little more attention to your land deals. Here in the Poorest City in America, we don't appreciate getting screwed by your developer pals.

8. Take a cue from your predecessor. Remember what happened when Jane Campbell spent four years doing nothing? You're on the right track, buddy. Just three more to go. — Lisa Rab

If your life — or your genitals -- has ever been touched by a prostitute, be sure to pay your respects on December 17, the annual memorial day for hookers.

Vanessa Forro, a former call girl, organized the vigil on the West Side to pay respects to murdered prostitutes — those who have gone down, so to speak, in the line of duty. Her demonstration is part of the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers, which started in 2003 after the notorious Green River killer, Gary Ridgway, was convicted of murdering enough women to fill a telephone book.

The victims "often get forgotten because they're prostitutes," says Forro.

Forro says she's learned some lessons since the last vigil she held in 2004 on Public Square, where only six people showed up. "Not a lot of people want to stand there and listen to talking about prostitutes dying and stuff," she says, "especially around the holiday season."

That's why Forro has moved this year's memorial to a "more appropriate" location at West 44th and Lorain. A note to all Johns: The hookers won't be working that night. — Jared Klaus

One show into their scheduled 15-city tour with Guns N' Roses, the Eagles of Death Metal have been banished from Axl Rose's camp.

The band, which features Queens of the Stone Age mastermind Josh Homme, was berated by fans at its Quicken Loans Arena show last week. When Rose finally took the stage later, he too derided EODM, calling them "the pigeons of shit metal" and declaring they were finished as GNR's opening act. He wasn't kidding.

"Unfortunately, as quickly as it began -- it ended," reads an announcement at EODM's website.

The news comes as belated comfort to GNR fans, who had assumed Rose would do something fabulously asinine during the show but went home oddly disappointed. -- Erich Burnett

We're not usually ones to recommend a trip to the Plain Dealer's website -- it's like trying to navigate Uzbekistan with a 1973 map of Pennsylvania -- but Sabrina Eaton scored a great story about a bunch of real-life Kazakhstan filmmakers trying to make a documentary in Ohio. Because everyone is talking about Borat, nobody believes these dudes are for real. Hillarity ensues. It's so good, we're surprised Sacha Baron Cohen didn't think of it himself. Best part: One of the dude's names is "Bolat." Niiiiiiice. -- Kevin Hoffman

It looks like the story of the baby-microwaving mom has made it all the way to China and getting front-page play in the New York Daily News. For those of you who haven't heard, this Dayton mother of four (pictured) is accused of stuffing her month-old baby in a microwave and burning the child to death. It's yet another national accolade that's sure to perpetuate the image of Ohio as a backwoods Thunderdome. -- Kevin Hoffman

How much is Jacobs Field worth? According to the new Monopoly Here & Now game for mobile phones, it's going for the bargain rate of $600,000. The popular board game's digital-era makeover comes complete with animated tokens (featuring such 21st-century staples as laptops and cell phones) and new properties, which span N.Y.C. to San Francisco. Our very own Jacobs Field is one of the 22 pieces of virtual real estate gamers can get their greedy hands on. Best of all, that $600,000 price tag is considerably lower than the $176 million it cost to build the thing. -- Michael Gallucci

We suggest you don't take preschoolers, your cousin the nun, or any card-carrying member of the Christian Coalition to the Blood, Sweat & Beers concert on Dec. 15 at the Barking Spider.

The Canton-based duo of Patrick "Big Pat" Masalko and Eric Rine have made it a musical point to write lyrics strictly about sex -- i.e. the kind in which only hardcore fetishists or experimental teens engage.

Take their synth-pop ditty, "The Cleveland Steamer," whose title can best be described on the ultra-popular, all-reliable, reader-driven Wikipedia.

Trusting that your preschooler, cousin, or best Bible-belt buddy isn't reading this blog, we shall enlighten you on this sex act presumably named after our fair metropolis. If we may be so blunt, a "Cleveland Steamer" involves a man defecating on his partner's chest, then spreading the feces around with his butt.

Needless to say, it's music to all misogynists' ears, especially Masalko and Rine's. "Half the people in the audience don't even realize what we're saying," insists Masalko. "They can hear the word jizz in harmony, and they're, like, 'What are they talking about?'' I laugh so much everyday thinking about what we do."

You can read more about these "intellectual smuts" (Masalko's words, not ours) in the December 13 issue of Scene. But we'll leave you with this tease: If you plan to go to their 8:30 p.m. show, head straight to Wikipedia and look up "tea-bagging" beforehand. That way, you can sing along when they rev up their guitars for a rousing rendition of "Russell Crowe."

Don't ask. You'll find out when you get there. — Cris Glaser

Like some omen from the heavens, a simple desk calendar can take the credit for naming Cleveland's latest addition to its gay-club scene.

Brian Kaufman-Butler opened Club Argos (2032 West 25th St.; 216-781-9191) with an invite-only grand opening on Nov. 16 to show off the $100,000 he dumped into the place to make it an "alternative sports bar." (Translation: It's a club for homos who happen to have far more than the minimum daily adult requirement of testosterone and wanna watch football). The investment resulted in a lodge-like lion's den, complete with 11 TV screens, a fully stocked bar of high-end booze, and a Chippendale-inspired dance troupe, the Argonauts.

But our curiosity veered toward the bar's name. Why Argos? Turns out, he bought the place on June 14. The next day, his business partner told him that the caption for the day on his calendar had something to do about the Greek god Odysius and his dog, Argos. Odie — as we now call the good Grecian — went off to fight in the Trojan War and left his pooch behind. Twenty years later, the battle had been fought and won, and Odie returned home.

"There was Argos sitting at the door waiting for him faithfully," says Kaufman-Butler, recounting the tale as if he'd just watched the last episode of All My Children. "I am always looking for signs that I'm doing the right thing, and I took it as a sign."

Now we're just waiting for a sign that tells us exactly why, being a man and all, Kaufman-Butler's last name is hyphenated. — Cris Glaser

Here's a way to clean out your closets and drink yourself under the table all at the same time.

On the first Wednesday of the month, Around the Corner bar in Lakewood hosts a swap meet of clothes and accessories. If you pony up $10 for a display table, you can spread around your hand-me-downs and invite other swappers to pick through them. Meanwhile, you can walk around and take home whatever tickles your fancy. Whatever is left on the tables at the end of the night is donated to Dress for Success, a charity for women in need of business attire for job interviews.

The next swap is on December 6 from 7 p.m. But check your hair and make-up beforehand. Rumor has it that the production from ABC's Good Morning America is going to be there. -- Cris Glaser

Plain Dealer reader rep Ted Diadiun, when he's not busy playing solitaire with a Ted Diadiun-themed deck of cards, frequently sends out e-mail queries to readers, asking for their input on the topics of the day. Recently he asked us to chime in on the hot-button issue of immigration. If we could rewrite the U.S. citizenship test for immigrants, what questions would we ask to better screen the people we are letting into our country. My suggestions for updating the test:

Instead of asking, "What are the colors of the U.S. flag?" How about, "What color wire brings the positive charge to a stick of dynamite?"

Instead of asking, "Who helped the pilgrims in America?" How about, "Do you know anyone named Osama, Muhammed, or Akbar?"

Instead of asking, "What is the White House?" How about, "Do you plan on buying a house, or will you be staying in a cheap motel room while you hatch plans to blow up the nearest train car full of plutonium?"

— Jared Klaus

Anti-Flag/Alexisonfire/the Explosion: Tue., March 13, 6 p.m., $15. House of Blues.

Big Head Todd & the Monsters: Sun., Jan. 28, 6:30 p.m., $16.50. House of Blues.

Andrew Bird: Mon., Jan. 15, 8 p.m., $15 ADV/$17 DOS. Beachland Ballroom.

Blitzen 2: Adam F/Donald Glaude/Jackal & Hyde/T-1000/IE.Merg/Omar Santana/BBoy3000: Sat., Dec. 16, time and ticket price TBA. Agora Ballroom.

Boys From County Hell (Pogues tribute): Sat., Dec. 23, 7 p.m., $10. House of Blues Cambridge Room.

Cradle of Filth/69 Eyes: Wed., Jan. 31, 7 p.m., $18.50. House of Blues.

Dark Star Orchestra (Grateful Dead tribute): Thu., Feb. 1, 8 p.m., $20. House of Blues.

David Garfield, featuring Eric Marienthal: Sat., Dec. 30, 8 p.m., $20. Nighttown.

Incubus/Albert Hammond Jr.: Sat., Feb. 3, 8 p.m., $40. Agora Theatre.

The Junior Varsity/Socratic/Weatherbox: Tue., Dec. 19, 7 p.m., $8, 21 and over/$11, 20 and under (all ages). Lime Spider.

The Legendary Rhythm & Blues Revue: Tommy Castro Band/Magic Dick/Ronnie Baker Brooks/Deanna Bogart: Tue., Jan. 30, 8 p.m., $20. Beachland Ballroom.

New Edition: Fri., Feb. 16, 8 p.m., $43.50/$49.50 /$75 (Ticketmaster). Wolstein Center at CSU.

Of Montreal: Mon., March 19, 8 p.m., $12. Beachland Ballroom.

Jerry Seinfeld: Fri., Feb. 2, 7 p.m., price TBA (Tickets.com). State Theatre, Playhouse Square.

Rod Stewart: Return to Rock & Roll Tour. Fri., March 2, 8 p.m., $55/$97 (Ticketmaster). Quicken Loans Arena.

Tequila Sunrise (Eagles tribute): Sat., Dec. 23, 7:30 p.m., $13.50. House of Blues.

Pat Travers (solo acoustic): Wed., Dec. 13, 9 p.m., $12 ADV/$15 DOS. The Winchester.

Vast: Wed., March 7, 7:30 p.m. Agora Ballroom.

The Waiting Room (Genesis and Peter Gabriel tribute): Thu., Dec. 28, 7 p.m., $10. House of Blues.

-- DX Ferris

Just as I prepared to click off the TV this morning, the cheery hosts of Cold Pizza, including the quasi-hot Dana Jacobsen, hooked me with a tease about Tony Romo and the 2003 NFL Draft.

Romo has been all the rage since replacing Drew Bledsoe at quarterback and rescuing the Dallas Cowboys from an inevitable Bill Parcells shooting spree. The Cold Pizza folks wanted to look back to 2003, when Romo, who starred at powerful Eastern Michigan, was passed over by every NFL team through all seven rounds of the draft.

So they enlisted The Hair�, also known as Mel Kiper Jr., ESPN's draft analyst. Kiper reported what now seems depressingly inevitable: that he had projected Romo to be drafted in the fifth round by — say it with me — your Cleveland Browns. But alas, the Browns went a different direction, drafting cornerback Michael Lehan in the fifth. Lehan — like six of the seven players drafted by the Browns that faithful year — is no longer in Cleveland. Meanwhile, Romo is busy outplaying Payton Manning, being compared to Tom Brady, and being linked, as they say in Hollywood, to Jessica Simpson.

If only they would've listened to Mel. -- Joe P. Tone

If you were headed for The Q last night, it might have been wise to stay clear of the Sherwin-Williams suite.

ACORN was outside protesting the company's refusal to spring for the removal of lead paint from older homes in Cleveland, many of which house low-income families. "They sold it knowing it was poisonous, particularly to children," says ACORN's Kris Harsh.

Earlier this year a Rhode Island jury found the company liable for creating a "public nuisance" by poisoning thousands of kids with its lead-based paint ["The Poison Kids," August 16]. It was ordered, along with two other companies, to pay for a clean-up that could cost more than $3 billion. The cities of East Cleveland, Toledo and Akron each followed with lawsuits.

ACORN didn't pick The Q just because they'd find twenty thousand people who like to yell. James C. Boland, a Cavaliers vice president, sits on Sherwin-Williams' board of directors. Harsh wants fans to sign a petition requesting Boland push company management to protect those children whose families can't afford the expensive process of lead abatement.

Harsh says lead poisoning affects 2,000 children a year in Cuyahoga County alone, their symptoms ranging from attention-deficit disorder and hyperactivity to vomiting, seizures and hair loss.

"What if LeBron James had been poisoned by lead paint as a child?" says Julie Smith, another ACORNer. "Would he be the great king of the court he is now?"

Says Harsh: "He probably wouldn't be able to remember the playbook."

Thursday the group will protest at the company's headquarters on Prospect Avenue and at Sherwin-Williams stores across the United States and in Canada, Mexico, Peru and Argentina.

"We're not asking them to pay the medical bills for every kid that's been lead-poisoned," says Harsh. "But when you're the most profitable paint company on the planet, we think you have a responsibility to help clean up some of the hazards created from your product. They could meet all of our demands and it wouldn't even dent their profits."

Last night's promotion, ironically? Drew Gooden Bald Head Night. — Jason Nedley

Late-breaking show annoucement: Dead Milkmen singer-guitarist Joe Jack Talcum will play a rare solo acoustic show at the Happy Dog (5801 Detroit Ave., 216-651-9474 ) Saturday, December 2. Opening the show will be Philly country-punks Ukebox and local indie-rockers.

Recommended strategy to get him to play unplugged versions of "Bitchin' Camaro" and "Punk Rock Girl": Let him perform a few new songs, applaud vigorously, and then ask him nicely for the old stuff. Doors at 9:30 p.m. We tried calling the club for the cover charge, but they weren't answering. - D.X. Ferris